(If you are unfamiliar with the NONG, see this post).
It seems they have stepped up their attacks lately in an effort to deter me and my TWOG posse. At least two more volleys have been fired in the last 24 hours alone.
Yesterday I was at the gym, and a NONG of the HAC variety (“hiding around the corner”) ambushed me. I was strolling into the locker room, walking pretty briskly because I only had about an hour to get my workout and locker room time in. Suddenly, as I turned the corner into the locker area, a NONG bolted out in front of me on his way to the men’s room—oblivious not only to common pedestrian right-of-way courtesy rules, but also to the inviolable law that you should never pee naked while standing next to someone in a public place. This is something my mom taught me when I was, like, 2 years old. Sadly, most NONGs have forgotten this well-known axiom.
My walking speed was sufficient that I could very well have bowled over the NONG, tripped, and landed on top of a dirty, rotten, socially reprehensible, nasty old naked guy. I almost kung fu-ed him right in the skull. But then Jesus told me not to do it. Lucky NONG.
And this just in from TWOG reader and Fusion attender Justin Song: “Crazy. I also had a traumatic experience at the gym just now. I am not sure if you know where the scale is in the men’s bathroom is but it is near the shower. So I was going to go weigh myself when I turned the corner to step onto the scale and there was a NONG standing on the scale. I totally almost ran into him. Downtown Minneapolis, along with other big cities, have warning lights that alert people on the sidewalk and other motor vehicles when a car is pulling out of a underground parking lot. I say that this should be adopted in locker rooms.”
We must persevere. The NONGs cannot succeed in their anarchist quest to put asunder all reasonable social laws. This is not the end, Nasty Old Naked Guy! We shall return! (Please don’t be naked when we get there. At least some underwear, maybe?)